Its Good That You Know...

After a while, I've come to realize that although I am good at giving advice, I'm not very savvy at taking my own advice.
Though I was advised to stop giving advice in a certain area seeing as my life in said area is 'a mess'. Which is funny because there is not one part of my life that I have not made a mess of.
Let's examine, shall we?
- Family
     After a while, I get tired of trying and eventually I developed a habit of just running away every time I get upset. Does it solve the problem? No. So why do I do it? Because some problems are not within my power to solve and fix and so I go away for a 'vacation' and spend that energy on myself and people I care about instead.
Sucks to you if you think my method of "Dealing With It" is horrible.
- Friends
     Now here is a touchy topic. Why should I care about people who dont give a damn about me? I think people who are aloof and distant from me have no right to expect me to respond with anything more IF I DON'T WANT TO.
     Sometimes I am inconsiderate, needy and over bearing. Sometimes I am a do-gooder and too involved. Well, the people who don't like it can talk to me about it or leave me alone. I'm not a charity case =)
- Studies
     I have changed college twice and I have changed my course. I studied only 2 months before my SPM, I rarely complete all my homework, I don't study consistently. So seeing as my studies is a mess, would that constitute that I should never again (until I get my act together) give anyone advice on how to study, what to study, or where to study?
- Love
     Now here is an area we all know I have SEVERAL major flaws in. Some of which cannot be mentioned to the general public. In the past two years, I have dated 5 guys. Wow, right? that's a new guy every 4.8 months. But of course, sometimes its not even 4.8 months before I change a new guy. And usually, when I date a guy, I disregard any and all advice given to me, do as I like and attempt to justify my desire to go ahead with that relationship.
     Many of my friends have received relationship advice from me. If you believe that my advice should be disregarded and burnt in a furnace, please proceed to do so. Thanks. =)
- Religion
     Some think I'm a 'cool' Christian but here's the truth: I am a bad one. I have too many vices, some of which I don't even seem to be trying to shake off. I was announced as the official cell intern (assistant to the cell leader) but in truth, I feel inadequate, too immature and not spiritually mature enough to carry that title and role.
     In church and cell, they talk a lot about our testimony and sharing it with other pre-believers but I cant remember how many times I've shared my testimony of how I came to know Jesus Christ. Its a boring story. I'm a kid who comes from a broken family who feels unloved, unwanted and insecure about every damn thing. I went to a church camp where I came to believe that God could wash away my pain, my sins and love me as I am, for who I am. Yea yea yea. Cue the music and bright lights, glimmering eyes and awe struck expression.
     Christianity to me is a very simple thing. It is the relationship between you and God. Simple as that. There are many hypocritical Christians out there, there are many Christians who do what is morally grey, there are Christians who agree to disagree, Christians who seem to deliberately create a distinction, a separation between different denominations. There was that pastor who burnt Qurans, the pastor who said the world was going to end, there are gay churches. There was the Holy Wars and that letter thing that the Catholic Church sold so long ago that was supposed to cleanse you of your sins. Yeah, forget all that.
     So what if pastors, elders, and leaders sin and fall away from the church? So what if renown figures in the Christian community start spouting very sketchy stuff?
     Christianity is not about other people and you and the church and God. It is about your own relationship with God. yeah, the church comes in too but what good is a church when you have no relationship with God? If you actually say "look at those Christians. They're such horrible people", then you're biased and unfair. There are many students in this world. Some are good, some are bad. Which do you notice more? There are many parents in this world. Which stand out more, the good ones or the bad? There are many politicians in this world. Which ones do you know? Those who do good or those who are horrible? yeah, you dont hear much about Buddhists or Hindus shooting up schools but its an unfair comparison, one which you have to learn all the facts of the factors and causes before you make your judgement.
     To me, its about coming before God and acknowledging his power, his grace and his love in our lives and around us. It is being still in His presence, its about listening to his voice and being the son/daughter that He can be proud of. Its not about following rules because God will smite you if you dont. Its about obeying his guidelines because you care and love him enough.
     But I still believe I'm a bad Christian. I like to club even though I know its not right (and not for the typical christian reasons), I would drink though I don't like to any more and there is a list. I curse a lot. I have malicious thoughts.

And there we have it. Just about every base in my life.

-EDITED- Removed emo shit part.

I'm posting it here because I just started to rant (again) when I opened my blog. Last time ever. Really.
[Note: I mean last time I'm going to rant about this particular topic, not the last time I rant =p ]

ON ANOTHER NOTE!

Its good that you know~

Some things dont have to be spoken to be understood, to be heard, to be known.
Although it is nice to hear those words with your own two years, or see them with your own two eyes, actions always speak louder than words.
I dont have to tell my friends that I care about them for them to know. And although sometimes I still do, I know they know it already.
I am deliberately shying away from making family references.

Hmm... I'm just glad the people important to me know how I feel =)

Next topic. My pretty Charles and Keith boots are comfortable and pretty~~ I've taken to wearing them to classes since I've not had a chance to go looking for court shoes as of late and the ones I do have hurt like frigging heck. So boots it is!

I am sleepy and I have to leave college before the jam starts.

;) stay awesome, guys!