Egypt

So, its gotten even worst over there

http://ariffshah.com/krisis-mesir-keadaan-sebenar-pelajar-malaysia/

I have a few dear friends studying there.

Please pray for the safety of the overseas students, the citizens, for the government and generally for Egypt.

11:11

There's this *insert-proper-name-for-this-type-of-saying-here* that if you look at the clock and it says 11:11 or 1:11, it means someone is thinking of you. I was reminded of it while I watched a korean tv series.

And for the past three days, it just happens to be that 75% of the time when its 1:11am, 11:11am, 1:11pm, 11:11pm, I  happen to glace at the time and it just pops into my head, "Ooo, someone's thinking of me."
LoL. This is what TV does to your brain.

Yesterday, I was reminded of Valentines by a secretly sentimental old sap guy.
 Right after we stated how Valentines is just a scam to rip off idiots, he *bleeeeeeeeeeeep*
- I'm sorry, portions of this story is not fit for general knowledge-
 but it was something pretty sweet

Yes, I am a sappy romantic. You should see my fantasies about my wedding and the many many fantasies of the way my future husband will propose to me. They are so romantic and gooey, I'm surprised my ears dont leak heart shapes and pink glitter.
Valentines though?  
Pffffffffftt.

Yes, the romantic in me would like to celebrate Valentines (in the non consumerist way) but I firmly believe it is a bunch of hogwash, bull****, nonsense.

Seriously, girls? You let a guy get away with celebrating your love ONCE A YEAR? Okay, maybe another time on your Anniversary and maybe some on your birthday.
Love, true love, is something that is celebrated every day. It does not require planned grand gestures, expensive meals or over priced roses once a year. Love is something that comes naturally.
Love is walking through the mall, thinking, "s/he'll like this" and getting it
Love is driving home and thinking, "maybe I'll pick up some food s/he likes"

I was about to continue there but really, I become a sap when I start talking about love.

Basically, to me, love is simple, love is pure.
If its complicated, that isnt love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 sums up love perfectly
Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil but is happy with truth. Love never gives up and its faith, hope and patience never fails.

Look all around you. There are people in the grips of infatuation, lust and addiction passing off what they feel as love. I know because I do it regularly (prayerfully, not any more)

Do you know of the rule and exception?
The explanation given in the wikilink is confusing. 
"The original meaning of this idiom is that the presence of an exception establishes that a general rule exists."
I originally got to hear of this from "He's just not that into you"


Gigi: I think I've figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning then he totally changed and now they're married and crazy in love?
Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.
Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because they rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don't really care about you very much.
Janine: Ok.
Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That the exception and we're not the exception we're the rule.

Let's take it one step further. Infatuation is the rule. Love is the exception. You may think you're in love. Think again.

I really dont mean to sound like a pessimist about love, like i said, I'm a romantic. But look at the last dialog. Chad and Don that Gigi dated, is that love? Its not right? but she convinced herself, at that time, that it was.
AND thats what we do now a days. We convince ourselves that what we feel is love, that it is unrivaled to any other feeling we've had before, we convince ourselves of all these things because we're so full of hope, because we like having that special someone.

What happens when infatuation wears off?
Have you heard of a movie called "Fireproof"? Its a movie about a couple who fight a lot and are thinking of getting a divorce. Then blablabla, they GROW to love one another again. They dont FALL in love.
Falling in love sucks.
I'm not saying that if you 'eventually realized you had strong feelings for someone' means its real. I'm just saying, its a pretty safe bet that if you like someone from a far, you dont know that person.

It sounds old fashioned, cliche and outdated to say things like guard your heart and wait on love. Well, I'm an old fashioned kinda gal. The thing about good old fashioned values are is that most of them actually worked.
A friend and I were debating once about the old fashioned way. When i stated that divorce rates are climbing higher and higher, he retorted that it was disgraceful in the past to get divorced.
WHY IS IT OKAY NOW? Wedding vows are "Till death do us apart" not "Till we drive each other away".
Quote from Fireproof
Michael Simmons: The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better.
Sure, marriages were arranged at some point back in time but a lot (not saying all) of these people got to grow in love.
By NOT getting divorced, couples were forced to "live with it" and figure things out. Now a days, people just bail when they think its a lost cause. < *inserts fireproof*

A quote from that movie
Caleb Holt: Marriage isn't fireproof.
Michael Simmons: Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it. 

This is a really good line.
Sometimes when I get onto this topic (specifically about couples who fight too much), people say, "Hey, Sam. All couples fight."
*Sam points at quote above* I agree but when the good outweighs the bad, what exactly are you in the relationship for?
At the same time, just because things are hard, doesnt mean you give up. All this requires wisdom to discern between the two cases. 

I was in a bad relationship once. We fought a lot and there was a lot of bad stuff that went down but I just kept convincing myself that I could make things work. We were together for 2.5 years before I finally managed to break up with him once and for all.
And yes, I've had several boyfriends. Sometimes, I wish it was different.
So people talk about saving their virginity for marriage but what about the little things?
Like your first kiss. Like slow dancing on the beach during the sunset. Like falling asleep in someone's arms (besides your family la).

Okay, my post is getting a little messy.

Conclusion:
~Your heart can be deceiving. When you make decisions and choices, use wisdom. Not brains, wisdom.

~Wait on love because there is no rush. If he (or she) is the right one, you dont have to worry about the right timing, the right circumstances or the right conditions. It will happen.
Honestly, I'm impatient for love to happen to me too but I gotta be patient if I want that guy who was made for me.

~Always remember that while you should concentrate on the present, cast an eye on the future. Dont just date 'for fun' and to 'see how it goes'. Its unfair. Despite what society today thinks, it is important to keep in mind if you would marry that person you're dating.
Q: What is the purpose of your relationship?

~Love is the exception. Infatuation is the rule. Dont be confused, dont be fooled.

PS. Read Joshua Harris' "Boy Meets Girl"
It is a very insightful book about dating. Anyone who wants to borrow it can ask me =)

I google myself.

First off, Hi, Klang-person-who-googles-my-blog-instead-of-typing-in-the-url.
Hi, random-people-who-got-here-by-googling-Samantha-Chen

*goes to google Samantha Chen*
yea, I just googled myself.

LOOOK http://samanthachen.com/ a cute little girl and a cute little boy and a cute little baby!!

That aside...

Gosh, I got totally sidetracked. Seems like quite a few people are curious about tattoos judging from how popular my last post was o_o

My piano just arrived minus the chair. i need to get someone to fix it. Speaking of which, i need to get my laptop too.

hey, whats the big deal about googling yourself? I dont really get whats the fuss. So you're curious where you appear on the internet and you're curious about the people who share the same name. So?

Hungry...

The Girl With The Butterfly Tattoo

I could tell you that my tattoo symbolizes a caterpillar bursting out of its cocoon, that its a symbol of change, freedom and beauty. I could say that it symbolizes  simplicity, evolution, and the little things in life. 

I could... but that sure ain't the truth. I got a butterfly because hearts are clichéd, flowers are boring and I like butterflies.

Even though my tattoo COULD symbolize all that, it is the truth that none of this was in my mind while I sat under the buzzing needle, penetrating my skin repeatedly and sinking ink into my flesh.

Number 1 question I get about my tattoo:
Does it hurt? 
Yes. Yes, it hurts. Does it hurt because I'm a girl, no =_= Even though I have a high tolerance of pain, it still hurt.
My tattoo is a simple design. Mono-color. The bigger, more elaborate and more colorful the design the more it hurts.

Number 2:
Is it expensive?
I consider anything that is "a waste of money" to be expensive. Hence, as a tattoo has no purpose actually, it is expensive.

Number 3:
Why'd you get it?
For a reason I dont want to put here. But feel free to ask me personally.

Number 4:

Its so cool!

For all those Captain Obvious out there, yes, this is a statement, not a question. 

Cool? I dont know why people think its cool. Just because not many people have one, its cool. What about a motorbike? That's cool but no one wants to let me get one. 

So...

Would I do it again? 

     -or- 

Would I encourage others to do so?

Nope. Not at all. A tattoo has no purpose. it is an outward sign of what? Nothing much, actually. 

And whether you like it or not, there is a stigma attached to it. Now, I'm not one of those people who are very bothered by this. If someone isnt gonna be nice just because I have a tattoo then that isnt the kind of person I want to hang out with in the first place. 

But it does make things more challenging. Think into the future. Even though we (those with tattoos) may not care how society perceives us for having body art, it is an inconvenience for people to have that 'first impression' tainted with that one patch of ink.

My tattoo is on my back, right shoulder. Now, think of my wedding dress. I still have no idea how I'm gonna pull it off unless I wear a dress that can hide it. or use a massive amount of foundation. 

but why do I have to hide it?

My tattoo does not define me. 

But it is a part of who I am. 

Neh, it ain't that cool. So why bother?

All night long...

It has officially happened. I have turned vamp. My sleeping hours have gotten more and more erratic and I stayed up the whole night =_=" I knew I shud have just woken up when Aisha called, popped a panadol and go find dinner. LoL
After this post, I'm going to bed (finally) and hope that no one calls my phone till afternoon >_< crap. and i was supposed to have brekkie with a friend...

I read Aisha's post on Uniqlo and was reminded. I went there sometime last week and I got a very nice turtleneck long sleeve top for RM25!! The material is really soft and nice too. 25!~
I also saw a really nice white shirt that was so soft, so pretty. But it cost a hundred bucks so i was like "ooooh-kayyy. no."
the clothes there are pretty okay though some of the sweaters seem seriously too thick for Malaysian weather unless you're like me or worst. I wear a long sleeved top over a shirt/spaghetti strap/sleeveless come rain or sunshine. Imagine how cold HICT is that even in that, sometimes I'm still freezing...
Like Aisha, I dont get the fuss over the "grand opening". All a bunch of hype. Seriously. Its a clothing store. No free bag/clothes for the first 10/50/100. No free food. No 80% off for the first 100.
i remember smsing Foong when he was there for the opening. (In his defense, he was there to write an article about it) After waiting two hours, he gave up and went for marutama =) I then proceeded to laugh at his huge waste of time. Well, it wasnt a complete waste, he won a RM50 voucher (i forgot for what, uniqlo?) from the Hitz.fm peeps who were there.
Still, haha.

Went to KL the other day with my sisters. It is amazing that I didnt get lost on my first time going into the city without an experienced navigator AND both my sisters shrieking in the backseat over one thing or another.
Saw the perfect place to have a party at Lot10 but it'd surely cost a bomb and Emily was casting forlorn looks at the place. It had a disco ball.

I really need to get a job .-.

AHHHHH MY ROOM IS FREEZING

*goes to hibernate under my blanket at 8:20pm*

The Reason Why

"There's a reason why they
Say that we should give it time
But time is not enough and that's the reason why
When you're young, you fall in love"
- Click Five

Now before you rack your head looking for hidden meanings in me posting this song, dont. Haha. Its just the song that's playing and I used the song title as the post title =D

So tonight is not a clubbing night because Quah is away. And I slept like two hours this morning. I went to sleep when my sister left for school. Why? Because I just simply didnt feel sleepy. Stupid right?

As a result, I am sitting here on my bed (as usual), typing out stuff because (as usual) my head is filled with all kinds of thoughts.
Sometimes it feels kinda dumb to keep a blog. To some degree, I restrict what I say here because I have no control over who sees this. I dont want to make it private because if someone takes the effort to look for my blog, its gonna be there for them to see it.
Anyways, yeah, even if like less than 10 people read it, its okay because its also a journal for me to look back on months and years from now.
Reading my blog, maybe someone will see things in a different light or gain a new perspective on me.
Reading my blog, i remember the things that once were and it is my archive of memories stored in pixels.

What is love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says
Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrings; love is not happy with evil, but it happy with truth. Love never gives up and its faith, hope and patience never fails.

I feel good, nana nana nana na.,,,

Ah, feel good moments....
www.thefreedictionary.com defines "Feel-good" as

Characterized by or designed to encourage a feeling of often superficial happiness or satisfaction

So there you have it.
That is the sucky thing about feel good moments. Guilty pleasures. Like eating a bag of potato chips, snacking on a bar of chocolate and washing it down with a bottle of sugary soft drink. Oh. Like eating a stuffed crust pizza.
Yes yes, I know its not only about food.
There's this stupid saying, "How can something that feels so right be so wrong?"
How can something that feels so right be so wrong?
Or, in the words of David Houston & Barbara Mandrell "How can it be wrong when it feels so right?"
Yeaaaah. That is exactly how it goes. Feel-good moments are rooted from lust. It can be the lust for food, a person, a feeling, a material posession... 

You think, "I really want this" and your mind and body plays tricks on you, making you believe that. You tell yourself that you are powerless to resist it, its inevitable. It is a deep longing, a sinful desire, a cruel lust. "But how can it be wrong when it feels so right," you tell yourself in an attempt to justify your cravings.Lust convinces you that 'just this once' is enough to satisfy you.
Then there is a moment, that moment when it all just lingers at the tip of your tongue. You are just an inch away from giving in. That moment is the 'make or break' moment. The moment where you make the decision: will you do it?

Last night, I had to make a decision like that. As I lied in bed, my body was yearning and crying out. But I did it. I DID NOT eat maggie mee at 2am in the morning. In the war against unfit-ness, I managed to win a battle last night and although it is a hard and never-ending war, I must do my best every day to fight.

Okay, seriously. Its annoying how your mind plays tricks on you. There's so much random crap that I bought thinking "if I just had this". Sometimes, I convince myself that its "too precious" and therefore it just sits there. Like my yo-yo balloons which really are precious =(


I am distracted by MH and waiting for my cousin to fetch me for lunch =)
Crap, SB+ prices are up 500gold pp. Ronza, dont do this to us. We NEED SB+

oo, she's here

A car that parks itself

Now, most parents go "next time when I'm old..." and follow it up with something they want you to buy, do or somewhere they want to go (with your money).
my mum does that but my dad has never asked for anything. Until today.

We were talking about my Uncle who lives in Perth, Australia.

Emy: He has a car that can park itself
Dad: What do you mean park itself?
Sam: It has sensors so it can park itself la. You dont have to steer the wheel
Emy: Cool right?
Dad: Cool! So cool! Cool, man! Next time buy for me!

Ah, of all the things a parent would ask for, my daddy wants a car that can park itself. LoL.

Wow. I totally did not realize its 1am already. I was thinking of calling Sha and asking her if she wanted to go mamak or something when I glanced at the clock. Wow. Lucky i did or I'd be dead.

You still make me go crazy

Yesterday, after a reallllllly long time, I dressed up. I am completely guilty of not doing my laundry for a realllly long time and when I was getting ready to go out, I realized I didnt have anything to wear =\ So I thought, "hey, I'll just wear this pretty top I bought like 6 months ago and never wore!"
So I paired them off with my skinny jeans, my favorite pendant, beautiful Charles and Keith boots and subtle but blue eyes

When I got into the car, I was stared at and Ridz went, "what?"


Dropped by Taylor's AGAIN where I was made aware of yet ANOTHER choice. Seriously. Who goes college hunting FOUR times in their lives FOR THEMSELVES?!
So I spent the rest of the car ride grumbling that I'm an impatient person and here was this woman telling me to wait TWO frigging months for answers that might or might not come. Bah.
But she was really helpful and I'm glad I talked to her.
More on that when meet ups finally happen.

Waiting for Colin to pick me up for lunch.
So we went to 1U where I dragged him into one random shop after the other.
Poor feet. I need to wear my boots more often =\
Dinner at Delicious. Gosh. The Chili Con Carne Cheese Fries are delicioussssssssssssssssssss. During the girls outing, my corner of the table got like 1 forkful because it was that good that out of TWO dishes of it, thats how much we got. The desert, which was the real reason I wanted to go there, was disappointing. We ordered Black Forest in a Cup but it wasnt as good as the other time. The chocolate was of a lesser quality and so it just kinda sucked.
After that we were too full to go to Chocolate for fondue.

Some people have asked if Ridz and I are dating and the answer is no. LoL. History though we may have, we're not that idiotic to fall into a relationship given circumstances. But sitting there, near the entrance of Delicious, watching the people walk past, I had an epiphany.
Sam: If someone we know sees us, they're gonna think we're on a frigging date.
Ridz: Why?
Sam: Cuz I dressed up
Ridz: But I'm wearing flipflops
Sam: You're a guy.
One thing I LOVE about Delicious is the comfy cushion chairs. Ahhh. So soft. And their deco is soooo pretty!

Haha. But it was a really great day out despite my aching, unexperienced feet. It's always fun catching up and just talking about all the random stuff in the world, just unwind from the stress of the world. And gosh, have I been stressed.
And once I get a car (and my license, heh) I promise to definately meet up with all you other guys that i've been neglecting!

AH GTG

The end of life as we know it...

I used this line on a guy last night  and when I got home and googled it, I discovered its from "PS I Love You". How appropriate.

Today, after church, after the VBS lunch, I sat around with some of the youth and we talked about random crap. From colleges to boys and relationships to personal issues.
I'm getting college advice from teens 3 years younger than me. LoL.

Here's something Yoke Pei, Joyce, Grace and I talked about.
I used the words "fall in love" at which I was quickly corrected. It wasnt supposed to be falling in love, its supposed to be 'growing with love' and i REALLY like the sound of that. Growing with love.
Its not supposed to be crushes and infatuation.
Its supposed to be mutual respect, understanding, trust and friendship.
When I get a boyfriend, I dont want some honeymoon period. Thinking about it, thats for people who fall in love. But when you have a relationship that grows naturally, at a slow pace where you get to see each other as they really are, now that would be great.

Audrey tells me, "My friends think I'm being unreasonable and that my criteria for my 'ideal' guy is too high. They say I'm too picky"
But then she tells me, dont we deserve our ideal guy?
No, not the guy who speaks 5 languages, plays 7 instruments and serenades us in spanish. *swoons*
No, the top scholar, most popular guy in school and the captain of the ____ teams.
I gave up on the "my ideal guy" list a long time ago. I thought it was dumb. But when I thought of it Audrey's way, it made sense.
We're talking about the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Not only that, he's going to be the father of my future children. And that man described in my criteria also makes the man that my children will call Daddy.
Not being willing to compromise doesnt mean I am stubborn or wishful.
Like I dont want a guy who needs tv and is addicted to computer games. I hope for a guy who reads books and novels. I'd like a guy who thinks National Geographic is good tv. And this affects the upbringing of my children.
Imagine me, trying to teach my son to read when his dad is shooting down zombies on the computer in the next room with the speakers on full blast. Yeaaaa.

So yeah, in this aspect, maybe I'm thinking too far. But maybe that's it when it comes to BGR. We dont think far enough.
So you like each other. Are you actually prepared for a relationship? Because if you REALLY truly love that person, you wouldnt get into a relationship just based on feelings. Would you really want to end up hurting the girl/guy you claim to be in love with?
I admit, I thinly veiled threats to my close guy friends when they start ignoring me when I talk about how they should treat girls they like. I bring them back about 6 months to a year ago and ask them, "do you actually want to risk hurting this girl you claim to really like and risk her feeling how I felt/am feeling?"
Threats as it may be, its true.
BGR isnt just about your mutual feelings and "seeing how things turn out". Caring about someone is thinking things through and being able to say things like "we're not ready to be in a relationship" "if we pursue this relationship now, one of us will only end up getting hurt"
You wanna see how things turn out, then stop. Dont. If love is true, if its meant to be~

it's a quarter to three, I sure aint drunk but I need to sleep~

My head is bursting!

So today when I opened my eyes and stared at my watch, I mentally planned my day. I knew that if I wanted to head to KL tomorrow, it'd be too rushed and I'd end up not going. And anyone who isnt a convention virgin knows that for some reason, the last day of a convention is ALWAYS the most packed.
I was half heartedly convincing myself that I could sleep for another half an hour AT LEAST then a thought struck me. Heck. If I wanted ANY petite chocolate, I had to get up immediately. Sigh.
Forced myself out of bed, got ready in 15 minutes.
Then I discovered my dad went out for bak kut teh... =_=
I toyed with the idea of taking his car but know I'd be gone the whole afternoon, I did not like the lecture I'd receive if I did.
Luckily, my grandpa was around so I asked him to fetch me instead.

And get this. I got to the station and just as I walked up the steps, the train pulled into the station. The train was 10 minutes earlier than I had expected it. OMGOSHHHHH!

This is the THIRD TIME this week I'm taking a train from Klang and today was the THIRS TIME this week that i MISSED THE TRAINNNNN

SERIOUSLY??! 

Fine. Nevermind. At least after the first time, I was prepared and brought not just one but TWO books. 
Dumb trains =_= 
Nerded till KL Central.  

Ah... Audrey Niffenegger's new book is delicious. Unlike the mainstream, typical books, her plots are intricate and so very- fragile, is the word I would use. The words, the metaphors, and simply the way she laces the words together to form such intricate patterns is simply divine. Unexpected. Seriously unpredictable, even the things which I suspected of the plot are unfolded with such beauty and skill that it leaves me in awe. 
Ok. As I do when I am reading/have read a book, I sound like a total bookworm. I shall cease to bore you. But it really is a beautiful book. Feel free to borrow it from me once I am done unless you're one of those people who take 6 months to finish a book, if so, go get your own. haha


So after my rude awakening from the world of Niffengger, I stepped out of the station and went ._.
I had forgotten how to get to the LRT station.
The feeling of today was oddly calming and thrilling at the same time. I have either holing up in my room in solitude with hours of screen time or out with friends for hours on an end. When was the last time I went out for a day- by myself?
I couldnt think of a day. When? Singapore? That was a long time ago. 

So after going up two floors, I realized that the LRT station is right next to the KTM one. D'oh. Need to start paying attention!!

Basically, it was a fun day. Went to the convention and asked a lot of questions. Liberated 4 mini bottles of water from INTI. Talked to a bored Economics Lecturer from HICT Klang who started teaching 7 months ago. She was really nice. Resisted flirting with cute guys working there. Kept needing to go back to the Taylor's guy to ask him stuff. 3 times... =_= He must have thought I had a crush on him. LoL.

Rushed from the convention to Pavillion~ That is my NEW FAVORITE MALL IN KL! Went to The Loaf and got a bunch of pastries~ Love~ I shall snack while reading my book later. 

Had Marutama Ramen~~

Then went back to KLCC. 

The thing about me is that I really like to be on schedule. I plan my timings and get a bit edgy when I go off schedule. I reached the KLCC LRT station at 4:05 because i decided to stop for juice. 
I suck at getting ready on time when people are fetching me but when it comes to me picking people up, I try to be as on time as possible. LoL. So do me a favor, people. When I'm picking you up, be on time~  

This post is full of random stuff. not random. it is specific but not very direct. or is it? hmm.

Hey those ppl whom I have not talked to in a while, we need to catch up, fo shizzle!

When life gives you lemons~

You dont just make lemonade. You then get some kids to sell it in a little lemonade stand, use profits to buy more lemons.
Repeat till desired result obtained.

Question:
Why would life give you lemons? Has life EVER given anyone lemons?

I remember once there was this poster for some international singer who was coming to Malaysia and it said "LIVE!" Alan and I were in the car when we saw that and he went, "Live?" Thing is, he pronounced it not as the "live" as in in real time but "live" as in to be alive. Haha. Then we argued for like 10 minutes about it till he went, "Oh ya hor."

So my emo day is over. I'm so hungry. Had a piece of good news today which put a spark back into my step. I'm glad.

How blog posts start...

Sometimes, when someone loves something reallllllly much, the blogpost stork picks a reallly special blogpost and delivers it to that person~

Ok, random shit.

Few days ago, I got to hang out with two people I havent seen in agesssssss! I met Audrey at Empire for our annual reunion. Seriously, we see each other ONCE A YEAR. Maybe this year, it'll be more than that. We spent the WHOLE afternoon talking. it was about- 5 hours? Glad I had a bottle of water this time =p
But it was really nice talking to her.

Audrey: So how are you?
Sam: Mmm. I'm fine.
Audrey: Really? I came back all the way from Australia and ask how you're doing and you give me two words?
Sam: Okay lah!
Audrey: Ok, that's four. Gee.

Haha. Gosh, I have missed her so much. She's one of those people who has really been there for me all these years. But once we hit college, schedules get busier and busier. As a result, we actually havent really exchanged emails for the longest time. But every time we meet up its like barely any time passed at all.

Talking to Aisha on Facebook. She's really funny. not in the "you're a freak of nature" kinda way. Its in the "you're hilarious" way.
But yea, I have a bunch of awesome friends.

Oh, blog title. Lately, I go to post something on Facebook, realize that I have more to say than can be compressed in 420 characters then come here.
This is my latest status update

Some people seem to think that friends are only for good times, hanging out and someone to eat with at lunchtime in college. Hey, friends are for the times when you feel like shit, when you've been kicked down and you wonder if you have the strength to get up. Friends make you smile even as you're crying tears from your heart and when they give you a hug, it just makes everything feel like its going to be okay.

Okay, I just tugged my own heartstrings reading that. But really. Friends are not for good times OR bad. They're for both.
As much as I like having someone to be there for me when I'm down, I was actually kinda sad that I couldn't share my happiness with one of my friends.
Meeting up with Audrey, I felt really happy that I could tell her all the great blessings in my life lately and as nice as it is to tell her, its just as heartwarming to see how happy she is for me.

So yesterday, I was emo-ing the whole afternoon and evening. My friend came to spend some time with me and we played like 10 rounds of Monopoly Deal. I won most of the time and even when I lost, I was accused of going soft on purpose. LoL?

But because I am human, because I am made of flesh and bone, I will sometimes feel completely alone. Just about everyone does, no?
The days when you look at your phone, ever silent.
You pick it up but realize you dont really have anyone you want to call.
Even if you find someone to call, that person doesnt pick up.
Then you go online or something.
But its the same thing.
Maybe you open a chat window but your fingers hover above the keyboard.
You dont know what to say.
So you close it.
When you're around people, you smile but it just feels like you're stretching your lips into a distorted expression.
Then when we can, we just retreat back into our world of solitude because we just feel hollow, trying to be happy.

But the thing is, often, we feel this way because we let ourselves. We feel alone because we close ourselves up and dont respond to any warmth someone extends to us.

So hey, people, dont feel sorry for yourselves. You may make excuses like "no one understands" "they're all just too busy" "i dont know how to voice it out"
but there's always someone waiting to be there for you. =)

When life kicks you down...

Its really hard not to let that misery seep into other areas of your life.
Failing in one thing one area, can cause bitterness between anything else in your life that isn't peachy. And because you have that bitterness, it helps sabotage the things that aren't peachy.
Like in movies, books and real life, someone acts like a total douche then someone close to them goes, "there's something bothering him/her."
Unless that person is always a douche, then everyone just rolls their eyes.
Life is just one whole roller coaster. Its never meant to be easy. If it was easy, everyone would be made exactly the same, be able to read other people's minds and have flying carpets that don't pollute the environment.

People like to say, "Follow your heart." That is actually lousy advice. It is one of the lousiest pieces of advice in the world. Even "burn that m***af****r" is sometimes even better advice.
Wisdom. Now that's a good idea. It should be "Pursue and follow wisdom" because with wisdom, at least when things burn into a fiery wreck (whether or not someone was instructed to "burn that m***af****r"), you have some semblance of peace because you know that you did the best you could in making that decision.

Hearts cause a crap load of trouble.

Be a man! Do the right thing!

Lately, I've been a bit agitated by some boys who just dont know how to act like men.
Seriously, once you hit puberty, its time to think it through about what it means to you to be a man.

I googled it. I googled "How to be a real man"
The first entry was by a guy. I agreed with most of it but some were kind of dumb like "SHOW NO EMOTION!"
Yea, men are supposed to be this strong tower of strength and refuge but shouldnt it be okay for them to be squishy sometimes?
I dont want to marry some block of marble that drives, talks and makes money.
The second entry was obviously by a woman because other than, "its okay for men to be emotional" there was "real men arent afraid to vacuum"
Not saying I completely disagree. but its kinda funny if you think about this clean cut typical man in a business suit vacuuming the floor with an apron on. Talk about movie material

Speaking of movies, I feel like watching "Pursuit of Happyness"
Meet the Parents 3 is pretty good though some points are repetitive in plot

Back to point.
So what defines a real man? I doubt in the asian culture, many fathers sit their sons down and explain what a real man is. Sure, they pass on some valuable gems of knowledge, probably a tip or two on fishing but when you look at the guys around us, it doesnt exactly scream, "I'm a man!"

I'm a chick so what I think is a man will probably strike discord among the male population but I think a real man:
- Knows his limits and boundaries. He doesnt just give up when he reaches them but he figures out a way to make do.
- Respect. Has the respect of others, and respect others. I have a high degree of admiration for these kind of people. Like guys who would never take advantage of a girl because they have too much self-respect and respect for the girl in question to do something like that.
- Strong. Not physical strength but in will power, in spirit. A real man knows when to walk away from a fight, from an argument, from a scene, from a situation. A real man knows the right thing to do and actually does it.
A real man, to me, keeps himself strong also for the sake of others but is not afraid to show emotions.
- Humility. A real man is not filled with pride and is accountable for his actions. Always willing to learn because he does not know everything and he knows that. A real man is willing to take advice and has the wisdom and strength to make the right decision, even if the right decision is not what he desires.

I know one guy who thinks its all about how many people you can take down, how strong you are, how many styles of fighting you're trained in, how many people fear you.
That aint respect, btw. That person calls it respect, I call it fear. Because people who RESPECT you dont kick you and run when you're down and run out of fear.

But the thing about respect is, yeah, maybe my friends in church dont respect a person like that but his peers will be in awe over how skilled he is.

What kind of respect are you looking for in your life?
There was another guy I met with recently who was lamenting over how he was too soft to seize certain questionable opportunities. But those 'opportunities' may be valued among his peers and in the world's view but what if he were to seize those opportunities and one day, sit down and tell his mother (who he respects and has a good relationship with, no he's not a mummy's boy. no wait. kinda)? Is the respect of his mother worth less than the respect of the world?

The thing about doing bad stuff, or sins, is that we always downplay it, we pretend its fine since everyone does it. We tell ourselves that it doesnt hurt anyone so therefore it has to be okay.
But when you are accountable to the person you respect most in your life, do you still think its okay?

There was once someone who said, "If the things you do have to be hidden in the shadows, then its already something you should not be doing."
If you dont give a damn and the person you respect the most is some drugged up celebrity or yourself then all I have to say is may God bless your soul.
When I heard this line, I thought its a pretty good principle to apply to our lives. What are we doing that we would not admit to higher authorities in our lives? Our parents, for example.
Imagine going home and saying "hey mom, I hit the clubs last night after popping some pills then I got a hard on as I grinded and groped like 5 girls. Best part is I had sex with one of those girls. One night stands are awesome! I'm the man for pulling that off!"
if my future son actually tried saying something like that, he wouldnt get to finish.

Thinking about it, I guess being accountable actually has no meaning if your life has no purpose.

What is the purpose of your life?

Ahhh~ New year~

2011...

You know, when I was in primary school, I used to get annoyed whenever it was a new year because I KNOW i'd spend the month of January, writing the wrong year in my exercise book then, being my lazy self, write the new year on top of the old resulting in a very messy looking date =\

2010 has been, actually, an amazing year! The first half was- well, lets just say it was an educating experience and the second half has just been a total blessing, a rainbow after the storm. The best part is, there is more to come!



Some of the things I did this year:
 ~First time ever as a tourist in Singapore Yes, I had never done the tourist thing in Singapore till April this year where everyday for 2 weeks+ (after work), I'd go to one tourist spot after another.This picture is taken at Tony Roma's. Keenan was in Singapore for the night so I dragged him along too.I had actually never seen Singapore that way with the cycling around Sentosa, late nights walking around the city and all the picture taking. Thank God I had my internship so I was spared (most of) the shopping =p
~First time ever organizing an event Sushi Workshop @ SP by SPFCCWe had a full house for both sessions and it really taught me a lot about event organizing as well as many sleepless nights and yes, tears. I really enjoyed it and fortunately for me, I had an awesome team behind me 
~I learned to knit seriously. I made that (for Alex, the beanie, not the bear)thanks to Sharon who got me curious! ~First ever movie marathon night Ip Man and Iron Man 2 with SPFCC guys @ Cathay
~Got a 1.3 GPA for my last semester in Singapore.

Defiantly not my proudest moment. Especially since it dragged my CGPA from 3.0 to a 2.5 ~My special b'day celebration You probably cant tell but I was dying that night. Super sick. I was lying in Iona's bed when she asked "Do you still want to have a party? Maybe just a dinner or something?"Then I was dragged out of bed and into a really yummy italian restaurant where my closest friends (and their significant others) celebrated my birthday with me =)A day or two before was also when I went clubbing with Aisha for the very first time!
~Became single-  a couple of times... Okay, more than a couple. But thank God, I managed to sum up my courage and end that 2.5 years longggg destructive relationship once and for all. Well, it wasnt all bad. Just the ending part sucked. I was dating for a while but then now I'm not anymore.So now, I am really single but not available because right now, I'm not ready to be in a relationship. Fullstop.
~Urbanscapes Also another "first ever". It was an interesting experience and I loveddd those cups! EPIC!
~Transferred colleges.  From yucky country to crappy college. TBC.
~Found my way back to God  and boy, has He been good to me. ~First ever concert Hillsongs Live @ Ipoh!(As if you cant read from the picture la) Sadly, Aisha was too ill to join us ~First ever college competition for programming... for degree level... =_= it was pointless, us being there since we couldnt even do the questions but it was a great experience plus, a lot of free food involved =pAlso, I made many new friends
~Started Piano lessons

Almost every week, my piano teacher went "CUT YOUR NAILS!" ~First ever PROMAt the age of 20, I went for my first ever prom. There wasnt much dancing but it was fun 
~Helped out for VBS  which stands for VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL! Picture this: 4 days of Sam + kids from ages 3-12. needless to say, I picked the youngest, cutest and also the naughtiest kids in my group to look after!!
~became a cell intern

which is actually a pretty huge step for me. It is a bit intimidating but thank God for Sis Kim, Bawanie and Aisha =)   ~Went for GY camp'green tea' and 'local FRUITTTTSSSS' aside, it was a thrilling experience!
~met my cousin, BenBen  for the first time. Picture taken the day after GY Camp so I was frigging exhausted. You can see from our eyes that we're related =p  ~BBQ party with primary school mates!

PRIMARY SCHOOL! Other people have Form 5 gatherings and we have Std 6 gathering. It was an awesome night and it was really good to see all those old faces from as long as 8 years ago! 

Quote of that night: 

Aisha: I dont recognize some of these faces

Sam: You didnt even go to our Primary loh!

Btw, we're from Simpang Lima (1). Aisha gatecrashed.

Wow. A lot of things did happen this year. Actually, I didnt realize how many till I started looking for the pictures and was reminded of the other stuff. 

I've learned many things, lost a few friends, made many more new friends. Had many new experiences, many eye-opening wake up calls and countless fun times. 

There's no way to turn back the clock, no way to get what has been lost to time, no way to re-live days that once were. And we shouldnt want to! I can say with confidence that certain parts of my past will be and ARE missed but I KNOW without a doubt that the future holds something greater and just as, if not more, amazing. 

Maybe one day, my path might lead to those things once lost or the experiences to be re-lived once again. But that wont be my aim or my goal. 

This year, so many many things happened. I'm in awe with how much can happen in 365 days. 

For the 365 days to come, I have a lot more to do. 

Brother Philip once said in a Cell Intern Training class that we should prophesies that great things are to come because this is the time for us to harvest what has been planted and tended. That this is the time for us to rise and claim the days to come.

2011... Its going to be a year filled with miracles, wonders and eye-opening experiences.